"Brothers first....."

Church on Sundays is the absolute best! Ever been to a Nigerian church? The music, the dancing, swaying of the hips, the jumps, shouts; the energy is unmatched. There is therapy, and there is Sunday in a Nigerian church, I choose both.

On this Sunday, I was excited because there was also food. Someone was celebrating a birthday. Food, church, and music; are my best Sunday combination. After the service, I moved to the food area to help. There was a coordinator who organized the whole thing. She asked me to help with taking some pictures and I was happy to oblige. It was beautiful. We sang "happy birthday" to the celebrant, and took many photos. 

Then it was time for the main event, what Nigerians call, "item number 7". It was time to eat. Our coordinator called on first-time guests to serve themselves first. After guests, I took a paper plate, ready to help myself and the announcement came; "Brothers first, and after brothers, sisters you may go serve yourselves". My arms stretched, my paper plate mid-air, I strained my ears to listen, did I hear right? It came again, "Brothers first, and sisters may go after brothers".

I still do not have the words to express how I felt when that announcement came in. Shocked? Confused? Disappointed? English does not cover it. What has gender got to do with this? Something as simple as lining up for some food, turned into some gender match and the "men won"...yayy. What did this mean? Are men superior to women?  But what makes them superior? Is there something about men that automatically confers on them the right to be "first"? It did not make sense.

Being an African woman raised in a patriarchal society, I understand how such a mindset could easily spiral into stereotypes that limit girls' access to power, to economic opportunities; alienating them from decision-making processes and from positions of influence. Before you know it, a girl is told to stay home because there is only enough resources to pay for her brother's education. Or a woman is told not to work because she has to stay home and take care of the kids. How about Nigerian women who are not permitted by law to confer citizenship status on a foreign partner? Or the Nigerian police, that insists that a woman must be accompanied by a man if she wanted to post bail for someone? Of the 109 Nigerian senate members, only 8 are women. And out of 360 members of the house of representatives, there are only 13 women. Women make up close to 50% of the entire population but only make up 4.47% of the National Assembly. How do you alienate half of a population and expect to have significant economic growth? Statistics, Economics and even Common Sense will tell you, "that is mission impossible"

How did we get here? I'll tell you how we got here. By perpertrating the negative mindset that men are superior, that they were born to lead and women were born to serve "men". By silencing women's voices, dismissing their needs and placing limits on what they can and cannot do. We got here by telling "brothers" to line up for their food first, and "sisters" can go afterwards.

How long will this continue? I hope not long. Becuae, my value as a human being is not determined by aspects of me that I did not choose, such as my race, gender, and ethnicity.